sleepy
blasted library! first i get kicked out for bringing in coffee and then i go back to find a periodical that apparently doesn't exist. then there were my overdue charges and i had no clue as to what they would be. they cut off your privileges when you get to $25 and i was at $24. i felt like a loser (the guy was giving me dirty looks because my receipt took at least a full minute to print out and all i could think of was all the paper that i was wasting because i couldn't carry six psych books to school at once) and i am broke, so it was doubly lame.
here i go on the rant! see what happens when i'm tired!
i needed to go home after school because i needed to take a nap, but to no avail. what used to be busey and the bureaucrats (who used to be technikill) and is now...well, busey minus dan having band practice in the next room. (or maybe dan was busey - so they are just the bureaucrats).
anyway, don't get me wrong, you guys! you are still my favorite band (whatever your name is); you just better put me in your liner notes for this.
anyway, dinner with bob resulted in me finding out a few things about my father that i thought i was prepared for but wasn't. and i find that as much as i want to talk about it, i just can't bring myself to do it - here anyway. so thank you, jody! i love you so much because you say all the things that i want to say, but i can't bring myself to say them; i hope that sounded right! i just mean that i admire you because you aren't afraid to cut to the bone and you totally validate all of the feelings that i feel guilty for having. but now i feel like a sad sack because all i have been doing is complaining!
but here is some more complaining: i found out that mike already rented out the apartment i wanted. there are still two floors that i can choose from, but they are out of my price range. he said he would wait for me to figure out if i could find a roommate, but i only have three weeks. he also said that if i could pay him in cash, we might be able to figure something out, so if it is, it is. he even said that if i take it, i can come in and pick all the colours that i wanted and everything!
can i just ask why everything has to happen all at once? but the more things change and the more unstable and terrifying it gets, the more freedom i experience. and i realized something a few days ago that i find i have to keep telling myself over and over again: life doesn't happen to you, you happen to life. if we think about things in this way, it is not my life/your life: it's LIFE and it must be engaged. it's something we all share and when we approach things in a certain way, it could mean taking some life away from someone else or ignoring their participation in life altogether.
wow, i can be incoherent when i am tired.
but there are wonderful things that are happening too; all over the place, wonderful things are happening and all you need to do is open your eyes to them.
here i go on the rant! see what happens when i'm tired!
i needed to go home after school because i needed to take a nap, but to no avail. what used to be busey and the bureaucrats (who used to be technikill) and is now...well, busey minus dan having band practice in the next room. (or maybe dan was busey - so they are just the bureaucrats).
anyway, don't get me wrong, you guys! you are still my favorite band (whatever your name is); you just better put me in your liner notes for this.
anyway, dinner with bob resulted in me finding out a few things about my father that i thought i was prepared for but wasn't. and i find that as much as i want to talk about it, i just can't bring myself to do it - here anyway. so thank you, jody! i love you so much because you say all the things that i want to say, but i can't bring myself to say them; i hope that sounded right! i just mean that i admire you because you aren't afraid to cut to the bone and you totally validate all of the feelings that i feel guilty for having. but now i feel like a sad sack because all i have been doing is complaining!
but here is some more complaining: i found out that mike already rented out the apartment i wanted. there are still two floors that i can choose from, but they are out of my price range. he said he would wait for me to figure out if i could find a roommate, but i only have three weeks. he also said that if i could pay him in cash, we might be able to figure something out, so if it is, it is. he even said that if i take it, i can come in and pick all the colours that i wanted and everything!
can i just ask why everything has to happen all at once? but the more things change and the more unstable and terrifying it gets, the more freedom i experience. and i realized something a few days ago that i find i have to keep telling myself over and over again: life doesn't happen to you, you happen to life. if we think about things in this way, it is not my life/your life: it's LIFE and it must be engaged. it's something we all share and when we approach things in a certain way, it could mean taking some life away from someone else or ignoring their participation in life altogether.
wow, i can be incoherent when i am tired.
but there are wonderful things that are happening too; all over the place, wonderful things are happening and all you need to do is open your eyes to them.
posted by jessalauren at 6:37 PM
2 Comments:
Just call me the neutralizer!
Firstly my dear sis, the band-aid did indeed get ripped off last night. Ouch! But nothing you didn't know way down in your guts, so now you know exactly what you're dealing with. You've got a good game plan go with it!
You warmed my heart with all the sweet things you wrote, you are a wonderful person and I'm honoured that you listen to my constant ramblings.
Lastly, WOO HOO for getting a roomate!!! Meant to be. It's going to be a blast to get out of the hobbit hole. Don't get me wrong I love it down there but you need some space from the Anne Murray look alike who talks to herself.
XOXOXO
your 'ramblings' are my favourite!
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