oh - wallowing in self-pity
i forgot how much i hate moving. i love moving too, don't get me wrong; i love my new apartment and everything about it is wonderful, but all this stuff...not only do i keep every birthday or christmas card that i have ever received, but all of my movie and concert stubs, programmes, receipts, notes i passed in class with my friends back in high school, my wisdom teeth, hair clippings from my childhood pets (i know we are getting into creepy territory), not to mention any of the 'found items' that i have ever come across (you know, strange religious rantings that people leave posted to newspaper boxes, someone's lost keys, some kid's old homework or library card); all these things that (i swear) i try to throw out, but i can't.
well i am slowly starting to and whatever i can't, i just try to tape into my journal and hope that by the end of it, i can still close the cover.
it's the most bizarre feeling: watching my old place slowly deconstructing. it brings back memories of the first questions we tackled in high school philosophy. when is it no longer my apartment? there are some critical pieces (like the bed, the telephone line, the fish tank), but all of my books are over there, all of the lovely trinkets and magnets and boxes with other little trinkets inside are over there...one wall of our old place looks like it jumped into another reality and left behind some violently blue (that's how i would describe the colour of the paint, even though they called it 'clear skies' or something like that at the hardware store) void.
all there is now is space and over at my new apartment, another transformation is taking place: one that is filling; one that is of creating and manipulating and positive assessment. every new day, there too is another great change. not only do i have a bedroom, with a window, but now there are bamboo blinds. the bathroom has a shower curtain and a garbage pail that matches. the kitchen has it's new stove and there are new dishes in the cupboard who still remain to me as strangers, but i feel like i have known them my entire life.
i was happy to hear that we have a racoon problem and i can't wait to meet the little critters. it is apparently due to the fact that the previous tenants used to throw their garbage out on the back deck, so it seems that our landlord is one laid-back man. i guess as long as we keep things clean and mainly quiet, they won't mind if we have a shindig now and again (is that what you crazy kids call 'parties' these days?).
i still can't believe how nice the place is, or how easily the man gave us the keys and it was ours. i feel like i stole it from someone or that i am ripping off my landlord, but i think he thought we were nice; well he said "i can tell you are honest", so that's always nice to hear.
so the whole moving thing would be all smiles, sunshine and moonbeams if school wasn't still in the picture. school is school as usual, but it's so hard to concentrate on homework when i know i have to get out of this place as soon as possible, for my own safety and for the safety of those around me (oh, and i don't want to have to pay rent for two apartments).
other than that, work is getting hairy now that they are hiring summer staff. emma is off to costa rica and i am picking up door shifts. i worked the door friday night and i forgot how much i absolutely hate it! they also asked me if i wanted to serve three lunch shifts a week in the summer (of course i would because that means ryan and i would be serving lunches together) and then i would still have three bus shifts (or some door shifts) in the evenings on weekends. oh yeah, and no time off. maybe if someone was visiting from outwest, then i could have a few days off but i would have to 'try to book off days during the week and leave the weekends open'. we'll see. i took seven unconsecutive days off last year and none of them involved calling in hungover at the last minute like everyone else does. emma's off for six weeks, alexei for three and esther just came back from cuba (and she went for a month last summer and laura went to spain for three weeks) - anyway.
i should really be getting back to reality and away from this self-indulgent rambling. i hope everyone is well and have you noticed: spring is almost here!
well i am slowly starting to and whatever i can't, i just try to tape into my journal and hope that by the end of it, i can still close the cover.
it's the most bizarre feeling: watching my old place slowly deconstructing. it brings back memories of the first questions we tackled in high school philosophy. when is it no longer my apartment? there are some critical pieces (like the bed, the telephone line, the fish tank), but all of my books are over there, all of the lovely trinkets and magnets and boxes with other little trinkets inside are over there...one wall of our old place looks like it jumped into another reality and left behind some violently blue (that's how i would describe the colour of the paint, even though they called it 'clear skies' or something like that at the hardware store) void.
all there is now is space and over at my new apartment, another transformation is taking place: one that is filling; one that is of creating and manipulating and positive assessment. every new day, there too is another great change. not only do i have a bedroom, with a window, but now there are bamboo blinds. the bathroom has a shower curtain and a garbage pail that matches. the kitchen has it's new stove and there are new dishes in the cupboard who still remain to me as strangers, but i feel like i have known them my entire life.
i was happy to hear that we have a racoon problem and i can't wait to meet the little critters. it is apparently due to the fact that the previous tenants used to throw their garbage out on the back deck, so it seems that our landlord is one laid-back man. i guess as long as we keep things clean and mainly quiet, they won't mind if we have a shindig now and again (is that what you crazy kids call 'parties' these days?).
i still can't believe how nice the place is, or how easily the man gave us the keys and it was ours. i feel like i stole it from someone or that i am ripping off my landlord, but i think he thought we were nice; well he said "i can tell you are honest", so that's always nice to hear.
so the whole moving thing would be all smiles, sunshine and moonbeams if school wasn't still in the picture. school is school as usual, but it's so hard to concentrate on homework when i know i have to get out of this place as soon as possible, for my own safety and for the safety of those around me (oh, and i don't want to have to pay rent for two apartments).
other than that, work is getting hairy now that they are hiring summer staff. emma is off to costa rica and i am picking up door shifts. i worked the door friday night and i forgot how much i absolutely hate it! they also asked me if i wanted to serve three lunch shifts a week in the summer (of course i would because that means ryan and i would be serving lunches together) and then i would still have three bus shifts (or some door shifts) in the evenings on weekends. oh yeah, and no time off. maybe if someone was visiting from outwest, then i could have a few days off but i would have to 'try to book off days during the week and leave the weekends open'. we'll see. i took seven unconsecutive days off last year and none of them involved calling in hungover at the last minute like everyone else does. emma's off for six weeks, alexei for three and esther just came back from cuba (and she went for a month last summer and laura went to spain for three weeks) - anyway.
i should really be getting back to reality and away from this self-indulgent rambling. i hope everyone is well and have you noticed: spring is almost here!
posted by jessalauren at 4:39 PM
2 Comments:
so so much! i can't imagine what it's going to be like getting the matress and the boxspring, not to mention the dressers, up those little fire escape stairs...we'll manage.
and i agree: it's strange that the apartment actually looks a lot smaller the more we clear it out.
and i can't promise anything about the racoons. i won't be throwing my garbage onto the deck though, i'll tell you that much.
thank you so much. the stress will be over soon and i am looking forward to a huge sigh of relief, and that's not to mention being happy because i am living somewhere else!
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